I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
