She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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