Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Ladies don't puke and tell
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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