My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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