Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
