Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
