Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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