okay pat passed out under dana's car
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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