Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
