i would punch a child for taco bell
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
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