I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
