i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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