I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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