batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
