ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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