I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
