when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
