so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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