I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
