The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
tell me about the eggs
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
