College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
