If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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