That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
