Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
