I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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