Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
