I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
