Betty ford says i'm here all night
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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