I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
birth control should be required to get into college
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
