We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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