I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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