If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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