I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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