I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
