God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
