in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
