if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
