Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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