So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
