I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
As shirtless as possible
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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