oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
