were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
