p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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