Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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