i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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