Kiss
Puke
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
