I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
