So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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