yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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