I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
